April 2014 - Grade 4 - Perfection

Dear Families,

Our social-emotional lesson for grade 4 this month comes from a book by Trudy Ludwig, one of my favorite authors. The book is titled Too Perfect, and it tells the story of a girl named Maisie, who envies and admires her classmate Kayla. She believes Kayla has the perfect life - from the way she dresses, her grades, her athletic ability and how she looks. When she is assigned to be Kayla’s partner for a project, Maisie is convinced she’ll learn the secret to being perfect. What she learns is that Kayla is under enormous pressure, and even her best doesn’t feel good enough.

Students had a lot to say on this topic! Many believe that there is both spoken and unspoken pressure to succeed from parents, teachers and coaches. They all agreed that sometimes this was a good thing, as otherwise they might ‘start slacking’ and may not try their best. Others felt that expectations were unrealistic, and that they were doomed to be labeled a failure. despite their best efforts.

Should we pursue perfection or focus on appreciating our personalities and capacities as they are? If we hope to attain a measure of fulfillment in life as persons, friends, workers, and citizens, should time be spent aspiring to unattainable levels of performance, achievement, and success that elude almost

everyone and, even if attained by a few, do not last?

Finding a reasonable balance in life is a challenge, even for adults. Helping our children know how to juggle the priorities and expectations life will throw at them is an important skill in life. Encourage them to develop skills to enrich and enhance students’ joy in themselves, others and in playing, learning and living. That is “perfect” for their needs as evolving citizens and caring community members.

April 2014 - Grade 1 - Diversity

We continue to talk about diversity, acceptance and appreciation for our differences. One of the beautiful things about the United States is our cultural melting pot. Many students are just becoming aware that people come from diverse backgrounds, countries, and cultures. Other students are more knowledgeable, and some are first generation Americans themselves. Our discussion centered around some key points:

• Everyone is special in his or her own special way.

• Some people look different, and some can do things others can’t do, but we’re all the same in some important ways.

• Working together, different people with different talents and abilities can make things the best they can be.

• People from different places have different customs and eat different foods, wear different clothes.

• It’s important to respect differences in people’s cultures and tastes.

• Just because people are different doesn’t mean they don’t have the same feelings as everyone else.

 Layla's Head Scarf is a simple story about Layla, a new girl in first grade, who wears a headscarf.  It does not take long for the others to welcome her, after some initial misunderstanding and typically curious but insensitive comments. 

 

April 2014 - Grade 3 - Enemy Pie

 

Dear Family,

During a recent Developmental Guidance lesson, your child’s class listened to the story Enemy Pie, by Derek Munson. This is a book that teaches about conflict resolution and seeing ‘enemies’ in a new light, using common sense and a bit of humor. The dad in this story provides his son with a valuable lesson without lecturing to him, and instead arranges matters so that his son can learn on his own. We discussed keeping an open mind when getting to know people, and not judging somebody based on what you "think" they are like. Usually we need to spend some time with a person to truly get to know them.

Developing kindness and compassion for others is a critical part of your child's growth. The ability to accept others, even if they are different, and feel compassion for them is an essential element of social competency and an important part of every child’s education. Socially competent children are more successful in life. The ability to relate to and accept others is not just a desired trait — it's a necessity for living in a diverse society.  Children's social lives are complex and varied and there are many ways to be "successful" socially. Some children feel most comfortable with one or two close friends, whereas others prefer to be part of a large social network.

Most children eventually find their niche and are able to achieve their social goals. With the right mixture of empathy and involvement, parents can aid greatly in this process. To assist your child, explore a variety of social settings. Trouble connecting with schoolmates may be due to a mismatch of personalities or interests. Interests evolve and become more specific, and friendships often wane as children mature at different rates. Introducing your child to new and varied social circles like team sports, clubs, or youth groups may provide for a better social "fit."

Keeping oneself open to developing new friendships, even with ‘old’ classmates is a healthy approach.  By exploring relationships with classmates who may be new to them this year, your child may develop a great friendship!

April 2014 - Grade 2 - The Invisible Boy

Trudy Ludwig is one of my favorite authors for social-emotional learning, and I use several of her books across grade levels.  She recently wrote an article for The Huffington Post, detailing her latest book, which I am using in grade 2 this month. She says it best, so I've excerpted her article below! 

"Social exclusion is a topic that I've personally thought a lot about and researched before writing the children's book, The Invisible Boy. It's a fact of life we're not all going to be on the "A" list. Some of us will be more popular and have more friends than others. But what concerns me is how hurtful social ostracism can be for young children: not playing with certain kids because someone labels them as having cooties; kids laughing or making fun of others for being weird or different; shy, quiet, or sensitive children who, for whatever reason, have been overlooked or cast aside by peers and adults in their world.

The reality is that we're not going to get rid of all the hurt in our children's social world. What we can do, however, is focus on raising more emotionally resilient kids to help them get through the hurt -- with their dignity, safety, and well-being intact. We can also teach empathy and compassion to our kids. Let them know that they have the power to be a real superhero to others in small, safe, and easy ways by getting them to reach out to others, making them feel valued and appreciated. The bottom line here is that while we all may not be "Best Friends Forever" or even friends at best, we still need to treat one another with civility and respect.

Here are some additional ways we parents can support our kids and help them to connect with their peers in helpful, rather than hurtful, ways:

• Be a good friendship role model yourself.

• Teach your child how to make friends and manage conflict in non-aggressive ways. For further assistance, ask your pediatric office, local library, or bookstore for recommended parenting resources.

• Help your child put rejection in perspective by sharing personal examples from your life. You can also use children's stories (i.e., The Invisible Boy) to generate thoughtful discussions about this issue with your child in a safe social setting.

• If your child needs help with a particular friendship issue, describe a behavior you respect and help him/her come up with a plan to address that issue in a positive, respectful way.

• Focus on the quality, rather than the quantity, of your child's friendships. Researchers report it takes one good friend to get a child through tough social times.

• Foster friendships outside of school by encouraging your child to meet other children who share similar extracurricular interests and activities.

• If your child suffers from deep-seated or chronic social rejection, seek professional help.

Thanks, Trudy!

March 2014 - Grade 4 - Fears and Anxiety

Dear Family Member:

During a recent Developmental Guidance lesson, your child's class viewed a program called When Things Seem Scary: Fears and Anxieties. 
 

This program is designed to help children cope with the cascade of unpleasant feelings that fear and anxiety can evoke, whether from real or imagined causes. Its goal is not only to help students recognize that such feelings are natural and normal, but also to give them effective strategies for dealing with their fears and anxieties. The video explained that:

• fear may be an uncomfortable feeling, but it can be a very healthy feeling when it warns you about a dangerous situation.

• on the other hand, fear can be an unhealthy feeling if you overreact when something scary happens.

• the most effective way to deal with fear is to admit you’re scared, try to understand why you’re scared, and then decide to do something about it.

• anxiety can best be handled by replacing negative worries with positive thoughts.

• when disturbing events happen, there are protections in place to keep people safe.

• talking to someone you trust when you’re scared can help you handle the times when things seem scary.

Engage your child in talking about his or her fears by creating openings for discussion. Take such fears seriously—children need to feel safe and secure, and your words and actions can provide reassurance. Here are two books to consult to help you manage your child’s fears and anxieties:

Goldstein, Sam, Ph.D., et al. Seven Steps to Help Your Child Worry Less. Specialty Press, 2003.

 

Rapee, Ronald M., Editor. Helping Your Anxious Child: A Step-By-StepGuide for Parents. New Harbinger Publications, 2000.

I recommend : 
"What To Do When You Worry Too Much"
 

February 2014 - Grade 4 - My Secret Bully (relational aggression)

Dear Family Member,

During a recent Developmental Guidance lesson, your child listened to the story My Secret Bully by Trudy Ludwig.  This story and our subsequent discussion are designed to shed light on a subtle, yet harmful variety of aggression.  "Aggression" is defined as behavior that is intended to harm others. Physical aggression (getting into physical fights, dating violence, violent crimes) have garnered much attention from researchers, educators, and parents, who are understandably concerned about the potential damage from such acts.

Recent studies show that relational and other nonphysical forms of aggression are just as harmful to a student's ability to learn, grow and succeed. Relational aggression encompasses behaviors that harm others by damaging, threatening to damage or manipulating one's relationships with his/her peers, or by injuring one's feelings of social acceptance.

For example:

• Purposefully ignoring someone when angry (giving the "silent treatment")
• Spreading rumors about a disliked classmate
• Telling others not to play with a certain classmate as a means of retaliation

I urge you to continue this conversation at home, as we all strive to teach our children to be kind, respectful and compassionate people. 

March 2014 - Grade 3 - Everybody Makes Mistakes!

Dear Family,

During a recent Developmental Guidance lesson, your child’s class viewed a short video called Everybody Makes Mistakes.  Making mistakes typically causes children to feel bad about themselves and may elicit feelings of anger, frustration, embarrassment or shame. It’s important that children learn to differentiate between different kinds of mistakes: silly ones, mistakes that take time to fix, and those that cannot be fixed. Children need to understand that making mistakes is part of life, and that it is how we respond to mistakes that really matters. This lesson is designed to illustrate that mistakes of any kind offer a learning opportunity every time.

Key points in this lesson:

• Some mistakes cannot be fixed
• It’s okay to ask for help
• You can learn from your mistakes
• Sometimes failure can lead to success

During our class discussion, many personal examples of mistakes, big and small, were shared. Students related how they felt before and after their mistake, and why certain mistakes loomed larger in their memories than others. As adults, we need to be willing to admit when we’ve made a mistake and model appropriate reactions. Acknowledging and validating a child’s feelings over mistakes will help them accept the outcome.

February 2014 - Grade 3 - Trouble Talk (rumors and gossip)

Dear Family Member,

During a recent Developmental Guidance lesson, your child listened to the story Trouble Talk by Trudy Ludwig.  This story illustrates the sometimes destructive ways in which we attempt to reach out to others to form connections and gain attention.

From sharing negative information (“Did you hear about...?) or information that isn’t necessarily ours to share (“Guess what I heard?”) or by offering unsolicited opinions or advice (“No offense but…”) children learn that having information to share can be powerful and exciting.

This is also how rumors start, gossip ensues and feelings get hurt. In our school environment, we endeavor to have every child feel empowered to speak up in positive ways and learn to be better communicators and friends. The purpose of this lesson was to enlighten students to the consequences of gossiping, lying, spreading rumors and sharing others’ information.

The class had a productive discussion about the issues raised in the story. I would encourage you to continue these conversations at home. 

March 2014 - Grade 2 - Let's Make Up (repairing conflict)

Dear Family,

During a recent Developmental Guidance lesson, your child’s class viewed a short video called Let’s Make Up.  Everyone experiences conflict at some point, and disagreements among peers is quite common. 

The intent of this lesson is to identify and model skills involved in resolving conflicts peacefully. There is a variety of ways to solve problems and resolve differences with others without using violence or relational aggression (i.e.: silent treatment, blackballing, etc).

 Learning how to use positive, productive tools is key to successful social interaction and emotional management.

Key points in this lesson:

• Admit when you’re wrong
• Learn to make a sincere apology
• Sorry is an action, not just words
• Learn to ask for forgiveness
• Holding a grudge hurts relationships

Each class was unanimous in saying they had all experienced conflicts or arguments at school or home. We discussed the ways in which these situations were resolved, or sometimes remain unresolved.

 We continued the conversation to include whether some relationships are simply not healthy for us. This is a difficult but important concept for children to grasp and we will continue talking about it throughout the school year.

February 2014 - Grade 2: Personal Space

Dear Family,

During a recent Developmental Guidance lesson, your child listened to the book Personal Space Camp, by Julia Cook. Personal space is the area of space that closely surrounds our bodies. Generally, you can measure your personal space by extending your arms out—the space between your fingertips and body is your personal space. Being respectful of someone’s personal space is a social skill. Individuals who have difficulty showing appropriate social skills may unknowingly invade personal space. Conversely, individuals with social-skill difficulties or sensory issues may be extremely opposed to anyone being in their personal space. It is also important to keep in mind differing cultural ideas about personal space. Some children have difficulty following the rules of personal space. This can present problems in the school setting where children are constantly surrounded by others.  

There are several strategies to help a child learn the rules of personal space. Here are some examples:

Model good body language – Stand at an appropriate distance from your child and let her see you stand at an appropriate distance from others.

Teach social cues for body language  – Explain and demonstrate facial expressions, eye contact, or body movements someone might make if he/she is uncomfortable with you being in his/her personal space. These can include turning your head, backing away, crossing your arms, etc. Have your child identify these cues and practice responding appropriately to them.

Look at pictures  – View pictures of appropriate and inappropriate personal space. Compare the pictures with the child and have him/her label the body language (e.g., “He is too close,” “That kid looks uncomfortable”).

Practice personal space – Have your child stand up and hold out his/her arm to “see” personal space.

Have a discussion about personal space  – Explain what personal space is, why it’s important, and how to  respect the personal space of others.

Give breaks to a child who needs personal space  – Allow a child who has sensory issues with others in his/her space to have breaks from groups during the day.

March 2014 - Kindergarten, Grade 1: Tattling

Dear Family Member:

During a recent Developmental Guidance lesson, your child’s class viewed a program called When Telling Isn’t Tattling. Children tattle to adults for many reasons. They may want to prove they know right from wrong. They may be looking for attention or an adult’s approval. Or they may be trying to get another child in trouble.

This program has been designed to help children understand the difference between tattling and telling, and be able to distinguish the times when it’s important to tell. Tattling doesn’t solve anything, can get another child into trouble, and can undermine friendships. After presenting several examples of children tattling, the program makes clear through a series of scenarios when telling is the right and necessary thing to do.

Some of the things your child learned from the program are:

• Telling is tattling when a situation is none of your business.

• Telling is tattling when nothing bad is going to happen.

• Telling is tattling when the only outcome is to get someone into trouble.

• Telling is not tattling when they or someone else is being picked on or bullied.

• Telling is not tattling when they or someone else is in an unhealthy, unsafe or dangerous situation.

Talk with your child about the situations that might justify telling, such as if someone is really in trouble or in danger or can’t solve a problem alone. To reinforce the program’s message, you might find it helpful to share the following books with your child: Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown. How to Be a Friend: A Guide to Making Friends and Keeping Them. Marc Brown Reprint, 2001. Kathryn M. Hammerseng. Telling Isn’t Tattling. Parenting Press, 1995.