February 2019 - Kindergarten, Grade 1: Anger Management

Dear Families, 

Anger management is a theme we will touch on many times, in different ways. That's because anger is such a powerful emotion that many children have difficulty controlling their actions when angry. The end results are often detrimental to the child. 

February's lesson in K and 1st has us visiting with our old friend Howard B. Wigglebottom!   

 When things go wrong in children's lives, no response of theirs is more normal or natural than a sudden outburst of anger. An event that to an outside observer often seems unimportant or trifling has the potential to frustrate or even overwhelm a child. Children, of course, have the right to get angry, and they display their anger in a variety of ways. The problem is, however, that when they fly off the handle they may act in inappropriate ways that only intensify their anger and make a bad situation worse. To understand and manage the energy let loose when they get angry is a difficult but invaluable lesson for children to learn. Anger can be the most complex and confusing of all emotions.

Some highlights from this program and our subsequent classroom discussion:

Stop and Cool Down/Use YourWords: using their words, saying how they feel about what happened, and then listening to what the person who made them angry has to say, can make angry feelings go away.

Angry Energy: if there's no one to identify as the source of your anger, the best way to handle angry energy is to turn the energy to positive use by doing something like running or throwing a ball. Sometimes we are just angry at ourselves.

Say How You Feel: keeping angry feelings bottled up only makes things worse, and that before they can deal with their anger, they first need to admit that they are angry.

Solve the Problem That's Making You Angry: if they are able to calm down before exploding in anger when a problem arises, they will be much more successful in solving their problem.

Find Something Fun to Do: when they get angry over a situation they can do nothing about, the best thing to do is to calm down, and think of something fun to do.

Some suggested  children’s reading on the subject of anger: Agassi, Martine, Ph.D. Hands Are Not For Hitting. Free Spirit Publishing, 2000, Goodsell, Jane. Toby's Toe. William Morrow, 1986, Jonell, Lynne. When Mommy Was Mad. Grosset & Dunlop, 2002.

And for the adults: Paul, Harry A. When Kids Are Mad, Not Bad: A Guide to Recognizing and Handling Children's Anger. Berkley Publishing Group, 1995, Morris, Bonnie Rothman. “Scream at Your Own Risk (and Your Children's).” The New York Times, November 9, 2004, Fox, Laura. I Am So Angry I Could Scream: Helping Children Deal With Anger, New Horizon Press, 2000.

February 2019 - Gr 4: Too Perfect

Our social-emotional lesson for grade 4 this month comes from a book by Trudy Ludwig, one of my favorite authors. The book is titled Too Perfect, and it tells the story of a girl named Maisie, who envies and admires her classmate Kayla. She believes Kayla has the perfect life - from the way she dresses, her grades, her athletic ability and how she looks. When she is assigned to be Kayla’s partner for a project, Maisie is convinced she’ll learn the secret to being perfect. What she learns is that Kayla is under enormous pressure, and even her best doesn’t feel good enough. 

Students had a lot to say on this topic! Many believe that there is both spoken and unspoken pressure to succeed from parents, teachers and coaches. They all agreed that sometimes this was a good thing, as otherwise they might ‘start slacking’ and may not try their best. Others felt that expectations were unrealistic, and that they were doomed to be labeled a failure. despite their best efforts.

Should we pursue perfection or focus on appreciating our personalities and capacities as they are? If we hope to attain a measure of fulfillment in life as persons, friends, workers, and citizens, should time be spent aspiring to unattainable levels of performance, achievement, and success that elude almost

everyone and, even if attained by a few, do not last?

Finding a reasonable balance in life is a challenge, even for adults. Helping our children know how to juggle the priorities and expectations life will throw at them is an important skill in life. Encourage them to develop skills to enrich and enhance students’ joy in themselves, others and in playing, learning and living. That is “perfect” for their needs as evolving citizens and caring community members.

February 2019 - Grade 2: Worry, worry worry!

February brings...worries?? Ok, it doesn't rhyme, but there it is -  worrywarts start revving up 'what if' situations! Once we hit the 100 day mark, many students are already thinking ahead to summer - what if I don't like camp this summer? What if I don't pass the swim test? What if I'm bored and have nothing to do all summer? Seriously committed worriers will wonder about next school year, before we've even finished this one!

Second graders are listening to "Wilma Jean the Worry Machine" by Julia Cook this month. Anxiety is a subjective sense of worry, apprehension, and/or fear. It is considered to be the number one health problem in America, and fast growing among our youngest students. Although now quite common, anxiety disorders in children are often misdiagnosed or overlooked.

 Everyone experiences worry and apprehension from time to time, but when these feelings prevent a person from doing what he/she wants and/or needs to do, anxiety becomes a disability. 

This is a fun and humorous book that looks at the problem of anxiety in a way that relates to children's way of thinking. We'll replicate one strategy in the book by writing worries on sticky notes and putting them into "Things I Can Control" and "Things I Can't Control". 

Many students will be surprised at how much we can actually do for ourselves to lesson anxiety. The goal of "Wilma Jean the Worry Machine" is to give children the tools needed to feel more in control of their anxiety and let them know they are not the only kids with worry! This image is a great visual - especially if drawn into a pie chart. 

There are lots of great resources out there for worry... a few are listed below: http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/worrying.html 

http://www.worrywisekids.org/

 

February 2019 - Grade 3: Kidding Around

For our February Social-Emotional lesson, 3rd graders are listening to the story Just Kidding! by Trudy Ludwig.  This is a story about relational aggression between boys, and how the phrase ‘just kidding’ is often used to mask hurtful comments as a joke.

Children often see teasing and kidding around among families and friends used as a way to show affection. In these instances, the teaser and the person being teased will easily trade roles, tease back and forth, and there is no imbalance of power or innate cruelty in the comments. Also, if a line is crossed and feelings get hurt, a good-natured teaser will immediately stop and issue a sincere apology. 

In this story, the teaser’s intent was to hurt and humiliate a peer in front of others. The main character laments, ‘when a joke has a sharp edge to it, it can cut you to pieces’. 
Students need guidance on how to use humor gently, and with respect for another’s feelings. We must also point out when they have said something hurtful, and be clear that saying ‘I was just kidding’ is not an acceptable apology or excuse. If a joke is made at another’s expense, it is certainly not funny to the person on the receiving end. 

Classes have been having  productive discussions about the issues raised in the story. Most children have experienced or witnessed this type of interaction. I encourage you to continue these conversations at home.