December 2018- Grade 2: The Invisible Boy

Trudy Ludwig is one of my favorite authors for social-emotional learning, and I use several of her books across grade levels.  She recently wrote an article for The Huffington Post, detailing her latest book, which I am using in grade 2 this month. She says it best, so I've excerpted her article below! 

"Social exclusion is a topic that I've personally thought a lot about and researched before writing the children's book, The Invisible Boy. It's a fact of life we're not all going to be on the "A" list. Some of us will be more popular and have more friends than others. But what concerns me is how hurtful social ostracism can be for young children: not playing with certain kids because someone labels them as having cooties; kids laughing or making fun of others for being weird or different; shy, quiet, or sensitive children who, for whatever reason, have been overlooked or cast aside by peers and adults in their world.

The reality is that we're not going to get rid of all the hurt in our children's social world. What we can do, however, is focus on raising more emotionally resilient kids to help them get through the hurt -- with their dignity, safety, and well-being intact. We can also teach empathy and compassion to our kids. Let them know that they have the power to be a real superhero to others in small, safe, and easy ways by getting them to reach out to others, making them feel valued and appreciated. The bottom line here is that while we all may not be "Best Friends Forever" or even friends at best, we still need to treat one another with civility and respect.

Here are some additional ways we parents can support our kids and help them to connect with their peers in helpful, rather than hurtful, ways:

• Be a good friendship role model yourself.

• Teach your child how to make friends and manage conflict in non-aggressive ways. For further assistance, ask your pediatric office, local library, or bookstore for recommended parenting resources.

• Help your child put rejection in perspective by sharing personal examples from your life. You can also use children's stories (i.e., The Invisible Boy) to generate thoughtful discussions about this issue with your child in a safe social setting.

• If your child needs help with a particular friendship issue, describe a behavior you respect and help him/her come up with a plan to address that issue in a positive, respectful way.

• Focus on the quality, rather than the quantity, of your child's friendships. Researchers report it takes one good friend to get a child through tough social times.

• Foster friendships outside of school by encouraging your child to meet other children who share similar extracurricular interests and activities.

• If your child suffers from deep-seated or chronic social rejection, seek professional help.

Thanks, Trudy!

December 2018 - Kindergarten, Grade 1: Bossypants!

During a December, kindergarten classes will be viewing a video called Student Workshop: Don’t Be So Bossy. Learning to negotiate and compromise are hallmarks of successful social interaction, as is the ability to stand up for oneself. Children require practice in acquiring these skills, and classmates often provide challenging interactions. This video illustrates these types of situations.  January and February are often spotty for getting kids out to recess, meaning they stay with their classmates in the classroom during bad weather. This often provokes power struggles between peers. When your child displays bossy behavior toward others, ask him/her the following questions:

“Do you think you have the right to tell someone what to do?”  

“Can you tell when you are hurting the other child’s feelings when you boss them?”

“How would you like it if someone talked that way to you?”

Ask your child to tell you about the stories in the program, and the lessons that the various characters learned. Here are some of the main points that the program emphasized:

• The best way to discourage a bossy person is to stand up for yourself.
• Just because someone tells you what to do doesn’t mean he or she is right.
• Bossing someone around shows a lack of respect for that person.
• It’s important to use your words and tell a bossy person how you feel.

Ask your child what he or she learned from watching this program. Discuss how these examples apply to situations in your home. Help your child use these ideas when he or she is dealing with a bossy person.

Talk to your child about situations in which he or she is having difficulty showing or getting respect. By discussing these problems, your child may be better able to identify the cause of the problem and better understand the importance of respect. With your child, try role-playing alternative solutions to these problems. Also, don’t be afraid to gently intercede when you see your child being either to bossy, or too passive.

December 2018 - Grade 4: Sorry!

Dear Families,

Once again, I go to a favorite author for social emotional learning! Fourth graders listened to the book Sorry!  by Trudy Ludwig. Dr. Aaron Lazare, author of On Apology, best describes the intent behind this lesson:

“Making a genuine apology seems like a sensible, constructive thing to do when one person offends another. Yet it is remarkable how frequently apologies are withheld or offered in a manner that offends rather than heals. The reasons for such failures are the fear of being shamed, being seen as weak, being rejected, or the like. With fears like these, we can see that learning to apologize is no small matter. Overcoming them requires honesty, generosity, commitment, humility and courage.

Apologizing is best learned in childhood and the most obvious teachers are parents and educators. Yet when we adults are clumsy and fearful about apologizing, when we believe it is dangerous to apologize, when we believe apologizing is a sign of weakness, we are apt to fail as positive role models for our children.”  

We often find ourselves commanding one child to apologize to another. What results is frequently half-hearted, insincere, and given only under the pressure of an adult. This rarely results in making amends on the part of the offended person, and the offender does not actually gain understanding either.  The story line in Sorry! Illustrates the four crucial parts of making an effective apology:

This story also illustrates how children may learn that they can get away with things by simply uttering those magic words ‘I’m sorry’, even without meaning them. As adults, it is our job to not only explain the true meaning of a sincere apology, but to model it as well.

Sincerely,  Ms. Cahill

December 2018 - Grade 3: Rumors, Gossip

This December, third graders are listening to the story Trouble Talk by Trudy Ludwig. By third grade, children are beginning to forge their own friendships at school (independent of their parents) and making choices about those friends. Conflict is inevitable in most relationships, and it's important to educate children about how to resolve differences in a healthy manner. Too often, kids will whisper, gossip and even gang up on each other by using 'the silent treatment', spreading rumors or other hurtful behaviors. This story illustrates the sometimes destructive ways in which we attempt to reach out to others to form connections and gain attention.

From sharing negative information (“Did you hear about...?) or information that isn’t necessarily ours to share (“Guess what I heard?”) or by offering unsolicited opinions or advice (“No offense but…”) children learn that having information to share can be powerful and exciting.

This is also how rumors start, gossip ensues and feelings get hurt. In our school environment, we endeavor to have every child feel empowered to speak up in positive ways and learn to be better communicators and friends. The purpose of this lesson was to enlighten students to the consequences of gossiping, lying, spreading rumors and sharing others’ information.

The class had a productive discussion about the issues raised in the story. I would encourage you to continue these conversations at home.