December 2018- Grade 2: The Invisible Boy

Trudy Ludwig is one of my favorite authors for social-emotional learning, and I use several of her books across grade levels.  She recently wrote an article for The Huffington Post, detailing her latest book, which I am using in grade 2 this month. She says it best, so I've excerpted her article below! 

"Social exclusion is a topic that I've personally thought a lot about and researched before writing the children's book, The Invisible Boy. It's a fact of life we're not all going to be on the "A" list. Some of us will be more popular and have more friends than others. But what concerns me is how hurtful social ostracism can be for young children: not playing with certain kids because someone labels them as having cooties; kids laughing or making fun of others for being weird or different; shy, quiet, or sensitive children who, for whatever reason, have been overlooked or cast aside by peers and adults in their world.

The reality is that we're not going to get rid of all the hurt in our children's social world. What we can do, however, is focus on raising more emotionally resilient kids to help them get through the hurt -- with their dignity, safety, and well-being intact. We can also teach empathy and compassion to our kids. Let them know that they have the power to be a real superhero to others in small, safe, and easy ways by getting them to reach out to others, making them feel valued and appreciated. The bottom line here is that while we all may not be "Best Friends Forever" or even friends at best, we still need to treat one another with civility and respect.

Here are some additional ways we parents can support our kids and help them to connect with their peers in helpful, rather than hurtful, ways:

• Be a good friendship role model yourself.

• Teach your child how to make friends and manage conflict in non-aggressive ways. For further assistance, ask your pediatric office, local library, or bookstore for recommended parenting resources.

• Help your child put rejection in perspective by sharing personal examples from your life. You can also use children's stories (i.e., The Invisible Boy) to generate thoughtful discussions about this issue with your child in a safe social setting.

• If your child needs help with a particular friendship issue, describe a behavior you respect and help him/her come up with a plan to address that issue in a positive, respectful way.

• Focus on the quality, rather than the quantity, of your child's friendships. Researchers report it takes one good friend to get a child through tough social times.

• Foster friendships outside of school by encouraging your child to meet other children who share similar extracurricular interests and activities.

• If your child suffers from deep-seated or chronic social rejection, seek professional help.

Thanks, Trudy!

December 2018 - Kindergarten, Grade 1: Bossypants!

During a December, kindergarten classes will be viewing a video called Student Workshop: Don’t Be So Bossy. Learning to negotiate and compromise are hallmarks of successful social interaction, as is the ability to stand up for oneself. Children require practice in acquiring these skills, and classmates often provide challenging interactions. This video illustrates these types of situations.  January and February are often spotty for getting kids out to recess, meaning they stay with their classmates in the classroom during bad weather. This often provokes power struggles between peers. When your child displays bossy behavior toward others, ask him/her the following questions:

“Do you think you have the right to tell someone what to do?”  

“Can you tell when you are hurting the other child’s feelings when you boss them?”

“How would you like it if someone talked that way to you?”

Ask your child to tell you about the stories in the program, and the lessons that the various characters learned. Here are some of the main points that the program emphasized:

• The best way to discourage a bossy person is to stand up for yourself.
• Just because someone tells you what to do doesn’t mean he or she is right.
• Bossing someone around shows a lack of respect for that person.
• It’s important to use your words and tell a bossy person how you feel.

Ask your child what he or she learned from watching this program. Discuss how these examples apply to situations in your home. Help your child use these ideas when he or she is dealing with a bossy person.

Talk to your child about situations in which he or she is having difficulty showing or getting respect. By discussing these problems, your child may be better able to identify the cause of the problem and better understand the importance of respect. With your child, try role-playing alternative solutions to these problems. Also, don’t be afraid to gently intercede when you see your child being either to bossy, or too passive.

December 2018 - Grade 4: Sorry!

Dear Families,

Once again, I go to a favorite author for social emotional learning! Fourth graders listened to the book Sorry!  by Trudy Ludwig. Dr. Aaron Lazare, author of On Apology, best describes the intent behind this lesson:

“Making a genuine apology seems like a sensible, constructive thing to do when one person offends another. Yet it is remarkable how frequently apologies are withheld or offered in a manner that offends rather than heals. The reasons for such failures are the fear of being shamed, being seen as weak, being rejected, or the like. With fears like these, we can see that learning to apologize is no small matter. Overcoming them requires honesty, generosity, commitment, humility and courage.

Apologizing is best learned in childhood and the most obvious teachers are parents and educators. Yet when we adults are clumsy and fearful about apologizing, when we believe it is dangerous to apologize, when we believe apologizing is a sign of weakness, we are apt to fail as positive role models for our children.”  

We often find ourselves commanding one child to apologize to another. What results is frequently half-hearted, insincere, and given only under the pressure of an adult. This rarely results in making amends on the part of the offended person, and the offender does not actually gain understanding either.  The story line in Sorry! Illustrates the four crucial parts of making an effective apology:

This story also illustrates how children may learn that they can get away with things by simply uttering those magic words ‘I’m sorry’, even without meaning them. As adults, it is our job to not only explain the true meaning of a sincere apology, but to model it as well.

Sincerely,  Ms. Cahill

December 2018 - Grade 3: Rumors, Gossip

This December, third graders are listening to the story Trouble Talk by Trudy Ludwig. By third grade, children are beginning to forge their own friendships at school (independent of their parents) and making choices about those friends. Conflict is inevitable in most relationships, and it's important to educate children about how to resolve differences in a healthy manner. Too often, kids will whisper, gossip and even gang up on each other by using 'the silent treatment', spreading rumors or other hurtful behaviors. This story illustrates the sometimes destructive ways in which we attempt to reach out to others to form connections and gain attention.

From sharing negative information (“Did you hear about...?) or information that isn’t necessarily ours to share (“Guess what I heard?”) or by offering unsolicited opinions or advice (“No offense but…”) children learn that having information to share can be powerful and exciting.

This is also how rumors start, gossip ensues and feelings get hurt. In our school environment, we endeavor to have every child feel empowered to speak up in positive ways and learn to be better communicators and friends. The purpose of this lesson was to enlighten students to the consequences of gossiping, lying, spreading rumors and sharing others’ information.

The class had a productive discussion about the issues raised in the story. I would encourage you to continue these conversations at home.

November 2018 - Grades 3 and 4: Flexible Thinking

We've all heard the term 'growth mindset', and students have learned to define Perseverance from our SPaRK principles. Mixed up in all that is the ability to be a flexible thinker in a variety of ways and situations. To make this point and foster our discussion, we watched the following video clip: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrSUe_m19FY

I found it very entertaining to watch the kids become increasingly appalled that the people simply didn't just walk off the escalator! This prompted some great discussion around a few essential questions: 1) What was the real problem here? 2) What is preventing them from climbing or descending the steps? 3) How can the situation be changed and by whom?

Our conversation continued as we discussed the nature of effort, and continuing to try even in the face of challenges. We watched the below video (Minus the mouse trap part! Despite the happy ending, I didn't care for the graphic nature) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTH5z3DE1-o

We ended the lesson with the following inspirational clip from the 2016 Paralympics:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=192&v=IocLkk3aYlk

October 2018 - Grades 3 & 4: Better Than You

Grades 3 and 4 listened to Trudy Ludwig's book 'Better Than You' this month for our Social Emotional Learning lesson. Children this age are often unaware how often the feel it's necessary to 'one up' their peers. This book allows an impartial look at how this impacts others and can actually drive away friends. 

"Jake's bragging is really starting to get to his neighbor Tyler. Tyler can't show Jake a basketball move, a school assignment, or a new toy without Jake saying he can do better. Tyler starts to wonder:  Is something wrong with him? Is he really such a loser? Is Jake really better than him at everything?  Or is Jake the one with the problem? With the help of his uncle Kevin, Tyler begins to understand that Jake's bragging has nothing to do with Tyler's own abilities and that puffing yourself up leaves little room for friends."

Students engaged in a lively discussion about how both Jake and Tyler were feeling throughout the story. I was impressed by their insight as they speculated on why Jake might be doing all this bragging. At the end of the story, Tyler has a decision to make about who he spends his time with, and all the kids agreed they would prefer a friends who is not only accepting of differences, but also one who encourages and cheers on other's efforts.

'Better Than You helps give kids insight into what lies beneath the urge to brag and shows them how bragging can break friendships rather than build them.'

October 2018 - Grade 2: Personal Space

One of my favorite 2nd grade lessons! Personal space is the area of space that closely surrounds our bodies. Generally, you can measure your personal space by extending your arms out—the space between your fingertips and body is your personal space.

Being respectful of someone’s personal space is a social skill. Individuals who have difficulty showing appropriate social skills may unknowingly invade personal space. Conversely, individuals with social-skill difficulties or sensory issues may be extremely opposed to anyone being in their personal space. It is also important to keep in mind differing cultural ideas about personal space.

Some children have difficulty following the rules of personal space. This can present problems in the school setting where children are constantly surrounded by others.  

We discussed that there are several components to personal space in addition to physical proximity. Seeing space incorporates when something/someone is too close, or blocking our view. Hearing space can be violated when we are too loud while in close range. Property space is respecting the boundaries of one another's work space or personal belongings. 

There are several strategies to help a child learn the rules of personal space. Here are some examples:

Model good body language – Stand at an appropriate distance from your child and let her see you stand at an appropriate distance from others.

Teach social cues for body language  – Explain and demonstrate facial expressions, eye contact, or body movements someone might make if he/she is uncomfortable with you being in his/her personal space. These can include turning your head, backing away, crossing your arms, etc. Have your child identify these cues and practice responding appropriately to them.

Look at pictures  – View pictures of appropriate and inappropriate personal space. Compare the pictures with the child and have him/her label the body language (e.g., “He is too close,” “That kid looks uncomfortable”). 

Practice personal space – Have your child stand up and hold out his/her arm to “see” personal space.

Have a discussion about personal space  – Explain what personal space is, why it’s important, and how to  respect the personal space of others.

Give breaks to a child who needs personal space  – Allow a child who has sensory issues with others in his/her space to have breaks from groups during the day.

October 2018 - Kindergarten & Grade 1

Kindergarten and First Grade shared the same lesson during October.This is the time of year when we're all adjusting to the structure of being in school, and learning our classroom and school rules. I feel it's important to explain the 'why' of rules here at school, so that children have an understanding that there are very good reasons rules are in place. Welcome to a new school year! This is the time of year when we're all adjusting to the structure of being in school, and learning our classroom and school rules. I feel it's important to explain the 'why' of rules here at school, so that children have an understanding that there are very good reasons rules are in place.
 For our first  Social Emotional Learning lesson of the school year in Kindergarten and 1st grade, your child viewed a short program called I Can Follow Rules by Sunburst  Visual Media. This topic is one that is import to all age groups because rules are a part of our everyday lives. It is especially important to discuss this topic with your child, because failure to follow the rules can often create unfair, unkind, or unsafe situations. Here are some questions you can ask your child to help open a discussion:

• 

  What are some of the rules that you have to follow in school?
• Are there any rules that you don’t understand? What are they?
• Is it hard for you to follow any of the rules? Which ones, and why?
   Here are some tips about following rules that you can reinforce through discussion of this topic with your child:

• Rules are important because they help to keep things fair for everyone, they help keep us safe, and they remind us to treat each other with respect.
• People who break the rules may cause harm to others as well as to themselves.

Reinforce with your child the techniques that were suggested in the program to make it easier to follow rules:

• Talk to yourself about why you should follow the rule.
• Use self-control and wait your turn.
• Pay attention so you can follow directions.

Let your child know that you are always available to talk about any problems he or she may have with a particular rule – why it is important, whether or not it is fair, how best to follow it.

Books you might read with your child: Doug Rules by Nancy E. Krulik, Horton Hatches the Egg by Dr. Seuss.

September 2018 - Grades K-4

During September, I spent time in each classroom attending their morning meetings. Read on for more!

SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL LEARNING

The Power of the Morning Meeting: 5 Steps Toward Changing Your Classroom and School Culture

By Lisa Dabbs

September 18, 2013

Photo Credit: Tasha Cowdy

"The whole morning meeting not only sets a really good tone for the students, but it sets a tone for me." - Teacher in Louisville, Kentucky

When I first learned about the Morning Meeting model, I was working as an elementary school principal in Pasadena, California. I was new to that school, so I was skeptical about launching too many initiatives, but also curious about how it could work to transform my school and the lives of our students.

The Morning Meeting was first proposed to me by a new teacher who had studied it in her pre-service classes. She explained that the model was designed to:

• Set the tone for respectful learning
• Establish a climate of trust
• Motivate students to feel significant
• Create empathy and encourage collaboration
• Support social, emotional and academic learning

She had me at "respectful learning!"

You see, I'd come to a school that was in a bit of trouble. Kids were struggling with behavior issues outside of class, teachers were finding ways to remove kids fromtheir class, and it was clear that I needed to put my faith in something that I believed could improve the culture and climate of the school. I knew that I had some serious work ahead of me if I was going to build a positive sense of community. So I worked with a small team of teachers to launch the Morning Meeting -- and was thrilled with how it spread like wildfire across our campus.

November 2018 Grade 2 - What Does it Mean to Be Considerate?

With Thanksgiving in mind, our social-emotional learning will focus on thinking about one another, and how our actions effect others. Towards that end, Second graders are watching a short video called “Think About Others: What It Means to Be Considerate.”

Not surprisingly, thinking about others is something that doesn’t come easily to young children. But children in the early elementary grades are in the process of learning the social skills that help them connect to others. By exploring what it means to be polite, caring and considerate to others, this program helps the youngest children understand that putting these positive qualities into effect in their daily lives not only makes others feel good about them, but as an added bonus makes them feel good about themselves.

In the program your child learned that thinking about others means:

• being polite and saying “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me” when appropriate.

• caring about and responding to the feelings of others.

• figuring out how someone else feels by putting yourself in that person’s place.

• treating others the way you would like to be treated.

• helping someone who needs help, even without being asked.

• helping to make the world a much nicer place.

Talk with your child about what he or she has learned from the program. Create openings

for discussion by helping your child become aware of family situations in which being considerate helps everyone get along better. Two books that can help in reinforcing what your

child learned are:

Eyre, Richard, and Linda Eyre. Teaching Your Child Values. Fireside, 1993.

Post, Peggy, and Cindy Post Senning. Emily Post’s The Gift of Good Manners: A

Parent’s Guide to Raising Respectful, Kind, Considerate Children. HarperCollins

reprint, 2005.

March 2018 - Grade 4: The Impossible Pursuit of Perfection

Our social-emotional lesson for grade 4 this month comes from a book by Trudy Ludwig, one of my favorite authors. The book is titled Too Perfect, and it tells the story of a girl named Maisie, who envies and admires her classmate Kayla. She believes Kayla has the perfect life - from the way she dresses, her grades, her athletic ability and how she looks. When she is assigned to be Kayla’s partner for a project, Maisie is convinced she’ll learn the secret to being perfect. What she learns is that Kayla is under enormous pressure, and even her best doesn’t feel good enough.

Students have a lot to say on this topic! Many believe that there is both spoken and unspoken pressure to succeed from parents, teachers and coaches. They all agreed that sometimes this was a good thing, as otherwise they might ‘start slacking’ and may not try their best. Others felt that expectations were unrealistic, and that they were doomed to be labeled a failure, despite their best efforts.

Should we pursue perfection or focus on appreciating our personalities and capacities as they are? If we hope to attain a measure of fulfillment in life as individuals, friends, workers, and citizens, should time be spent aspiring to unattainable levels of performance, achievement, and success?

Finding a reasonable balance in life is a challenge, even for adults. Helping our children know how to juggle the priorities and expectations life will throw at them is an important skill to learn. Encourage each to develop skills to enrich and enhance students’ joy in themselves, others and in playing, learning and living. That is “perfect” for their needs as evolving citizens and caring community members

February 2017 - Grade 3: Mistakes=Growth Mindset

During April, 3rd grade classes will be viewing a short video called Everybody Makes Mistakes.  Making mistakes typically causes children to feel bad about themselves and may elicit feelings of anger, frustration, embarrassment or shame. It’s important that children learn to differentiate between different kinds of mistakes: silly ones, mistakes that take time to fix, and those that cannot be fixed. 

Children need to understand that making mistakes is part of life, and that it is how we respond to mistakes that really matters. This lesson is designed to illustrate that mistakes of any kind offer a learning opportunity every time.

Key points in this lesson:

• 
  Some mistakes cannot be fixed
• It’s okay to ask for help
• You can learn from your mistakes
• Sometimes failure can lead to success

During our class discussion, many personal examples of mistakes, big and small, will be shared. Students often relate how they felt before and after their mistake, and why certain mistakes loom larger in their memories than others. 

As adults, we need to be willing to admit when we’ve made a mistake and model appropriate reactions. Acknowledging and validating a child’s feelings over mistakes will help them accept the outcome.

February 2017 - Grade 4 "Can you smell me now?"

Hello everyone!
This month we're taking a slightly different viewpoint for our lesson. In school, we often find ourselves in discussions about how to speak with students about personal care, particularly in the spring when the weather gets warm. Let's just say that 4th grade classrooms - especially those in the portables that lack air conditioning - can get a little ripe! Taking care of our bodies is a lifelong job. Practicing good hygiene is more important than ever for young students whose bodies are inching closer to the enormous changes of adolescence. Whether we are talking about body odor, toilet practices, bad breath or the transmission of germs, most students can surely benefit from a reminder of why good hygiene is important.

Practicing good hygiene does more than help us stay healthy. It allows us to look and feel our best. One of the underlying reasons for teaching children good hygiene practices is to help them develop a sense of self-esteem and personal value. A child who cares about himself or herself is more likely to maintain a clean personal appearance. This becomes even more significant as children approach adolescence and their bodies begin to change.

Students were reminded that many adults are available to them to answer any tricky questions they may have about taking care of their bodies. As always, we recommend they go to their parents for advice and support but we are here to help as well.

My collaboration with 4th grade teachers indicated a pressing issue for them was how to broach the subject with a student if a chronic situation should arise. In the interest of respecting student's burgeoning self-awareness, our class discussions revolved around the hypothetical 'what if'. It was very enlightening to the adults in the room to hear the perspective of students. The overwhelming majority indicated they would prefer to hear a discreet message from a trusted peer than an adult.

From there, we modeled the 'who, what, when, where and how' this could be done in the school setting, using very specific examples. Though initially uncomfortable with the topic, students were very animated and actively participating in this discussion. We can hope that by setting up scenarios and fostering thought on the topic, everyone can make an awkward situation less so by gaining understanding of an appropriate way to handle it with kindness and respect.

February 2018 - Wellness (K,1)

Continuing our theme of healthy bodies, we've been learning a little about how our bodies work. We learned that the heart is the hardest working muscle in the body, and everyone figured out how to feel their heartbeat. We all got a chance to get up and move and feel the difference movement makes in our heartbeat!

A fun episode of Magic School Bus showed us how our bones, joints and muscles need to work together to make our bodies move. Students enjoyed finding joints that allow us to bend and figuring out what muscles help us do things like sit, stand or lift.

We will finish out the month of February studying nutrition, exercise and healthy bodies.

February 2018 - Grade 2: Reconciliation

Everyone experiences conflict at some point, and disagreements among peers is quite common. I frequently have discussions with individual students about the art of apologizing, forgiveness and moving forward. This month, we're viewing a short video called Let's Make Up, which shows us examples of kids working through a variety of conflicts. 

The intent of this lesson is to identify and model skills involved in resolving conflicts peacefully. There is a variety of ways to solve problems and resolve differences with others without using violence or relational aggression (i.e.: silent treatment, blackballing, etc).

 Learning how to use positive, productive tools is key to successful social interaction and emotional management.

Key points in this lesson:

• Admit when you’re wrong       
• Learn to make a sincere apology
• Sorry is an action, not just words
• Learn to ask for forgiveness
• Holding a grudge hurts relationships

Each class was unanimous in saying they had all experienced conflicts or arguments at school or home. We discussed the ways in which these situations were resolved, or sometimes remain unresolved.

 We continued the conversation to include whether some relationships are simply not healthy for us. Other times, we may be trying to force a friendship, which does not work either. These are difficult but important concepts for children to grasp and we will continue talking about it throughout the school year.

January 2018 - Wellness (K,1)

 

NUTRITION! January Wellness classes are all about healthy eating and making good food choices. The first week we are focusing on the 5 Food Groups, and children are identifying at least a few food choices that they like from each group. It's important that kids know there are healthy options within each food group, and we will be increasing awareness of WHY some choices are preferable to others. We want to increase nutritional awareness and get them thinking about what they consume each day.